Thoughts

Sometimes, i overthink things.

Okay, maybe not just sometimes. I overthink things a lot.

And i know it's not healthy, and i know it's not good for me, because i tend to jump to conclusions and worry and let anxiety crash over me like this gigantic wave, sort of like an emotional tsunami? And when everything comes falling down in pieces, i lose my composure. But the thing is, i'm bringing it upon myself, aren't i?

If i didn't think so much. If i didn't feel the need to worry or care about anything. Then, whatever happens, whether it be my fears (especially my fears) or my suspicions won't really affect me, would it?

But i can't NOT overthink things. It's just who i am. Like a habit so deeply ingrained into my skull that i can never shake off. Sure, i can brush it away for a short period of time, a temporary reprieve. But the thoughts will always come back to haunt me until i distract myself again.

Or maybe it doesn't come back. Maybe i go to it willingly, like it's a drug then i can't stop taking. I'm a slave to knowledge, no matter how cruel the truth is. How unforgiving it may be. I guess i'm just trying to remind myself that the world isn't all sunshine and rainbows. And for that, i need a slap of reality in the face.

And i KNOW with every certain fibre of my being that this is not good for me. But why do i still do it? Why, even after i've gone through all this, do i still care? Why am i so....human?

Or maybe it's just because i'm female. Yep, that's definitely gotta be the reason.